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Me neither, but for later! I'm way too nervous to eat right now..

[ He much prefers having a friend over eating his feelings. Thanks Zuko. He goes to leave the Lunchables with the plush toy, because his kitchen doesn't have anything in it yet anyway, and then looks Zuko dead in the eye. ]

I've done a lot of research, and all of that research says that I'm coming up on the date for Hikaru and I to.. you know? But there's one thing I haven't been able to research! I tried to before, but I kept chickening out, and you're the bravest person I know, so I need you to hold me down so I can't turn off the TV, okay!? You have to stay with me for this research!

[ "Too nervous to eat...?" Why is he nervous...?! Should Zuko be nervous?! Zuko's nervous!!! He does not "you know," Taichi! ]

I— Uh— Um... Okay...?!

[ He's too trusting. He's too trusting. He should know better. Hikaru led him into tentacle hentai inadvertently. The best text message Zuko ever sent Taichi's boyfriend ever was simply "OCTOPUS??!?!!" So Zuko really, really should know better than to trust anything Hikaru-adjacent, but... that's not how Zuko works. He trusts Hikaru wholeheartedly and it's extended to Taichi as an in-law. ...Whoops. ]

Are you ready!?

[ Taichi grasps both of Zuko's shoulders, as if holding onto him for dear life. ]

If we watch this porn together, it'll be way less suspicious! Just two dudes studying human anatomy!

[ At least he's telling Zuko what they're doing first.. ]

[ Watch Zuko's face entirely fall... This is not what he expected to come out of Taichi's mouth. He knows better than to have many expectations but of the few that he felt were safe to assume, he assumed that he wasn't asking him over to watch porn together. That seemed like a given. He's speechless for a good second, wheels not turning upstairs — nope, the wheels are motionless, stuck frozen. What What What ]

[ what what what

Taichi's words finally start to process, and yet it doesn't really produce much understanding. He blanches and flushes in a flash, eyes wide, mouth agape. When he's able to speak, he has little to no volume control. He's a reactive kinda guy in general, but uh, this seems particularly warranted. ]

What?!

I know!! That's exactly right!!

[ Yelling what at the top of his lungs is how Taichi feels right now and he shakes Zuko's shoulders (or tries to- if Zuko resists at all, he's definitely way stronger than Taichi so Taichi will probably just end up shaking himself using Zuko's shoulders like a brick wall). ]

But I can't do it myself and it's almost time and I don't want Hikaru to be disappointed!!

[ Zuko is just stunned enough to let Taichi shake him by the shoulders, limp and highly uncomfortable. What’s he supposed to say...?! Is this normal?! How should he know?! ]

What does that mean — “it’s almost time?!” I’ve only ever kissed a guy — one guy! And I’ve only had sex with one girl! We don’t even have porn in my world, Hikaru had to show me what it is! Why me...?!

Edited 2021-04-02 02:42 (UTC)

Exactly!! Though you definitely had porn in your world, everywhere has it, you just didn't know about it.

[ That's besides the point though. He stops shaking him and looks him in the eyes, bright red but determined. ]

According to all the best media, there comes a time when it's culturally acceptable to do it and Hikaru and I are approaching that point, but I can barely even kiss him without wanting to get all floaty and I definitely don't know much beyond it goes up the butt. I didn't even look at gay porn before now, I'm really unprepared! And the only thing that's a comfort to me is that I've got a friend who's on pretty much the same level! We can support each other through this, Zucchan! I believe in you!

[ He backs up, bows his upper half of his body down and puts his hands together. ]

Please, dude!

[ Oh my god that's what Hikaru said about porn in Zuko's world and he'd argue the case but he's so flabbergasted by, well, the rest of the case... Why's he gotta be so explicit about the butt?! Zuko didn't even know that until recently! ]

I-Is Hikaru pressuring you into this or something? Shouldn't this happen more, uh... naturally? Do people plan their first time in Japan or something?

[ If that's a cultural thing, it sounds horrendous. Zuko would hate that. Or love it. He's undecided. His first time completely sideswept him and was not at all what he would have imagined or even necessarily preferred but it is what it is... Maybe having a practice round to prepare and study isn't the worst idea... Zuko's definitely out of the loop on a lot of these things, himself — especially compared to Hikaru, who is a pillar of worldliness in Zuko's eyes. Maybe Taichi's not totally off-base to want to do his research first... Zuko knows firsthand, after all, how harsh and judgmental their mutual best friend can be. That probably doesn't end at the bedroom door. Already Hikaru made Zuko promise to consult with him about any girls Zuko wants to date to make sure they're dom in a good way and not a bad way. That's definitely some kinda pact... Being the one in the act with him surely has a whole other kind of pressure on. He can see that very clearly. ]

Huh? No, no way. [ At least he finally seems to let Zuko go, to wave his hands dismissively. Taichi is pressuring himself because of movies and magazines because he adores the romance drama and all of his favorite sources of romance.. well... they go fast for the sake of story, but Taichi's got it in his head that this is how it's gotta go. ]

We're not planning, I just-- I don't want to be bad at it. I don't catch onto stuff quickly and you can't redo your first time! I want it to go well, and if I don't do anything to prepare like this, it's not going to go well because I'm never good at anything without putting in tons of work! But this isn't something I can just go out and practice with someone else with, so it has to be this way!

[ And he's already established that he feels way more comfortable dragging friends into weird stuff with him than trying to do it alone, especially when he's nervous.]

You know how high Hikaru's standards for everything are, Zucchan!

[ Taichi's sentiments strike a nerve with the hard-working prince. Zuko also feels he's never good at anything without putting in tons of work. What's more, he had his heart squeezed and pinched and bruised by his only guy crush using him for makeout practice as his first kiss just to prepare, in the end, for dating his friend from home... It took a long talk with Hikaru for Zuko to accept that this was maybe a little bit fucked up and not normal or what Zuko deserved, himself, however reluctant Zuko was to hear Hikaru's wisdom. Hikaru's standards are indeed high, even for his own friends' sakes. Taichi certainly couldn't go out to practice...

But at the same time, Zuko has to be here with him?!?! ]

Um— So... Uh— You want me to— force you... to watch... it?

[ You know — the porn... ]

We just have to watch it together and commentate so it seems normal! We have to get through this together!

[ As if somehow, Zuko will benefit from this too... Well, he's doing his best. ]

I picked out one called A Knight's Tail. Supposedly there's a fight scene in it so it might not be too bad?!

What! Why would there be a fight scene in a porn?!

[ Taichi, he's so distressed... Zuko's already proven he's great at commentating on porn, though, from his first discovery of it. So while he's, uh, somewhat distraught inwardly right now, it's worth noting he's also not quite said No yet, either... ]

I don't know, I haven't seen it yet?! I guess it's got like a story or something!?

[ Are you ready for it Zuko? Taichi is going to bow with his hands together in a pleading gesture. ]

Please please? You're already here!

Fine! Fine.

[ Zuko throws his hands up, turning his face away to the side, unscarred side facing Taichi, though his deep scowl is still clearly visible. He's a good friend, even if he's not a good sport. ]

But don't touch me and don't do anything weird.

[ He is drawing boundaries, okay. What little he feels he has now. This is not what he was envisioning doing with his night. Thought he might train a little... Meditate... Maybe watch a movie... But he'd had more in mind, like, a Holocaust documentary alone in his room. Not— gay porn with his best friend's boyfriend. What is his life? Why is the non-magical shit in his life weirder than the magical shit?! ]

I'm not touching anyone! Not even myself! This is research, not private time! There's no way I could get it up around you anyway. No offense, but I only have "man reactions" for one man! Anything else is appreciation of the human form!

[ He appreciates you, Zuko, but his heart is purer than his eyes are. He goes to pull up the brand bags to the tv and set stuff up. ]

[ “Man reactions” kills him inside... Do you see this flat face?! It takes him everything not to sputter before he forces himself to take his seat beside his captor. He sinks into the bean bag, dubious before he even sits in it, but is uncomfortable with how he’s been swallowed by it. Taichi needs normal furniture. Zuko wants to help him on that front more than this one... But as he settles in, squirming a bit in his seat, he feels distinctly like a Good Friend and even a pretty Decent Person for doing this. He’s been a good friend plenty, saving his friends’ lives in battle, yknow — but he’s not typically anyone’s go-to guy for stuff like this, minus Hikaru asking him for advice and confiding in him about liking Taichi so many months ago; and minus Gokudera practicing kissing with him, which was a whole other debacle. This is platonic. This is generosity. Emotional support. He’s Doing the Friend Thing...! After so many years of isolation, even counting his abnormal royal childhood before his banishment, for as much as he’s gotten used to having a proper friend group, relying on his social life more than ever before for his own support system, this feels somehow like a cementing moment for him. He’s had masters in firebending, a master in swordsmanship, his uncle served strongly as a master in philosophy... but ever since growing close with Hikaru and his friend group, Zuko’s been in deep training about lightheartedness. He now has masters in silliness; his most difficult training yet, but a skill sorely needed. ]

So... just treat it like a normal movie?

[ That’s gonna be his approach. Seems easiest. He can totally make commentary on movies. He likes movies. Maybe not porn, but he can’t deny it was fascinating discovering it, himself. He can’t exactly blame Taichi for this panic, even if he’d never take this avenue; he gets it. Treating it like a normal movie is the best way he can trick himself into reframing it for his own comfort here. He’s never fancied any boys except Gokudera, which is for certain off now, forever, still vaguely heartbroken over it even. He doesn’t need this research personally. This is purely altruistic for his new friend’s sake. Pat himself on the back, man. ]

...I’ll pretend I’m watching a comedy.

[ His tone is thick with sarcasm. But he means it. Granted, he’s never seen a comedy flick... and humor is not his area of expertise. But he can use his imagination. Ahem. ]

Yeah, it's like watching horr--

[ Taichi speaks before finishing listening to what Zuko says, almost thinking they were going to be on the exact same wavelength. He was wrong, and he quickly corrects himself. ]

Comedy, yep! Exactly like a comedy with pals!

[ Taichi is more for seeking emotional support for horror movies himself, though he does enjoy a good comedy. Comedy is probably way more apt a description, and he definitely should't associate sex with horror movies anyway... well, Zuko can tell how nervous he is just from that near comparison though, surely. for all the struggles Zuko is going through right now, he is right for sure: Taichi too thinks he's doing the friend thing, and Next Level Friending at that.

Once everything is set up, Taichi too plops down in the second bean bag next to Zuko and uses the remote to turn the TV on and press play. If the bean bags bother him, it isn't obvious. Taichi thinks they're kind of comfortable!! If challenging to get out of. It's fine, he has faith that Zuko can kick himself out of anything. ]

Here we go...

[ The film starts on what would appear to be some kind of jousting field, medieval in nature, and two knights run at each other on horses. Wow, it's like a real movie! Cinematic and everything! They both knock each other down, and the cheesy acting begins. As do the comments about touching each other with their lances while the two push and shove and slowly remove pieces of armor. (Unfortunately, they have to get it all off before they lay down or else they won't be able to get back up... old armor was heavy af.) ]

[ Oh, yes, that Taichi's mind went to "horror" first is telling, and it's not a subtlety lost on Zuko, surprisingly enough. He reads between those lines. So... that leaves the onus on him to make this comedic, he feels, oh god. He is here to help his friend. He is here to help his friend. He is here to help his friend have sex with his best friend grhiujksn let's do this ]

...Taichi, why did you pick this movie? I'm curious. What were your other options?

The cover looked most like it could be something innocent so I didn't get weird looks trying to buy it. Plus, knights in shining armor are kinda cool here, right? They'll definitely have the most popular moves.

[ Though in this case, only one person will even know if it's Taichi. He's not planning to be popular in bed.

When the knights finally somehow get down to a miraculous combination of helmets,cod pieces, and shoulder armor despite how nonsensical it is, two helmets clang together as they finally kiss, only the mouth coverage of their helmets open. This isn't so bad so far! ]

I dunno if I'd call these guys "cool," but sure...

[ Zuko makes a face when the two kiss, rolling his eyes before glancing to Taichi. ]

So— You went to a public store with the intention to buy a porn movie, to own permanently, with your own gold. Right? Why not just find this shit online? That's what I do... Then no one knows — and it's free.

[ Ah! An admission! He watches porn on his own now! Hikaru, job well done!

As the knights' kiss deepens as he speaks, though, so does Zuko's grimace. ]

You spent money on this... Just saying.

In a more general sense...

[Taichi's kind of agreeing with that..They have muscles to admire, so at least there's that, but- wait, when did their muscles get shiny? Did they have oil on under that armor the whole time? ]

I bought a movie with money, that's all my account knows. You accessed content with a device that's linked to your name and probably uses cookies! [ For unknown reasons, despite being a Gen Z boy, he prefers physical copies. ]

[ Zuko takes a second to process what Taichi is getting at there, and once the dots connect, he does not like this line of thought... Who knows what Zuko's been looking at! But whatever it is, it makes him go quiet for a longer than appropriate moment, a very strange look on his face as he stares a hole into his lap; then awkwardly looks back to Taichi, then quickly to the side again, and mumbles gruffly, quietly: ]

"Cookies...?"

[ But does not pursue the issue. He forces his focus back on the movie. Which, thankfully, he's looked away from for long enough to know notice, indeed, these oiled up muscly dudes. He's not impressed. This is not his type. And he just assumes they're so shiny because they're already sweating that much, which seems even less impressive... No endurance. They haven't even started fucking yet and they're running out of stamina! ...He doesn't consider it's body oil making them shiny. He's just sitting here being a judgmental lil prick quietly by himself, deflecting. ]

[ Taichi doesn't really understand what cookies are, so he doesn't hone in on Zuko's question either.

The continuity in this flick isn't great, because in about 10 seconds all the oil is gone in one shot, then appears again in the next. As one of them leans the other one back to try to push him onto the ground to top, the bottom one shoves him off and the last of the armor falls off. Lord Hardlog, who had been trying to top, stands with a haughty laugh and finally takes his helmet off, a golden mane of luscious romance-novel-esque locks falling down to his butt.

"Let us be bare then, the true way of men!"

"I need no protection to take you, my lord! I, Sir Buck Drillings, will be the one to fill the hole in your heart, and your body!"

"Your spirit is brave, but I am not called Lord Hardlog for nothing. My noble lineage's reach will make you scream."

Sir Drillings removes his helmet too now and his short, dark, curly hair looks a little like Justin Timberlake if he was a brunette. The drapes match the curtains, and the curtains surround a hefty and thick, hard dick. Hardlog's is not as girthy and appears to be hairless despite his long head hair, but is a monstrous near 11 inch "hard log" indeed. ]

A-Are those normal.. sizes..?

[ Taichi suddenly feels small, haha... ]

Edited 2021-04-24 04:37 (UTC)

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NOT SAFE FOR WORK HAHAHAHA