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Yeah. I told her you were my friend and important to me. That was enough.

[ He mumbles slightly toward the end, eyes darting to the side. This conversation makes him feel awkward. He's well aware his taste in company and judgment of character is sometimes questionable, and he secondguesses his own clarity of vision often... Without either his uncle or his sister to guide him, it's hard to be his own judge confidently. And now that they're both here? And neither of them like Gokudera? Well, he doesn't have confirmation of that from Iroh, but he's sure Iroh probably isn't thrilled about the whole mafia business. And Azula... Azula's just hated Gokudera from the start. Zuko didn't expect them to ever get along. In fact, he didn't really consider Gokudera getting along with his other friends much, either. All he cared about is that he got along with him. He wanted him to meet Uncle and Aang out of relevant orders of importance to understand one another, rather than purely eager to introduce a friend of a friend, like maybe most might. It wasn't about connecting people in his life so he could have one big happy family of friends. He was fine with his friendships as they were, even if many were rather separated. He's not a big group kind of guy. He prefers one-on-one conversation anyway; it's what he's known most, all his life. And he likes spending time with Gokudera. If Azula doesn't, or Hikaru, or whoever, then they don't have to. ]

...They just don't know you like I do. It doesn't matter.

[ His eyes find the ground as they walk. ]

As long as Azula never attacks you again, I don't care what she thinks of you.

[Gokudera isn't going to keep trying to convince Zuko that his friends don't like him. Katara hadn't reached out to him after healing him and he believes she'd just done it based off his relationship with Zuko. Why else would she care? It's not like he made a vivid impression on her.

Come to think of it, most days he keeps so much to himself that he doesn't make much of an impression on anyone. Zuko came to him without the bomber ever reaching out to him. It wasn't a great first meeting, but it's basis sounded strong. But... also like neither of them intended to meet and befriend the other. They were forced to hug for a while or something, right?]

No one does, Zuko.

[And he thinks of all the stress he's unloaded, and how they just played the piano together. It's a startling realization, but he has to voice it...]

Not even the Tenth or Yamamoto.

[Feel awkward all you want, Zuko.]

It feels inevitable.

[ That remark draws an amazed look from Zuko, who looks back up at Gokudera startled by the sentiment. He knows him better than the Tenth or Yamamoto? No way. It makes him realize — Gokudera knows him better than any of his friends from home, too... even the Avatar. It earns a silence, chewing over how to respond to the accusation about Azula inevitably attacking him again, too. That unnerves him, and makes him angry all anew at the fire princess for having gone over his head like that back then. He watches his feet as they walk once more, startled expression softening into a scowl. ]

...Azula knows if she attacks you again, it will damage her relationship with me. She doesn't want that. I did a poor job explaining to her what happened that night we fought. She tended my wounds when I got home. But we've talked about it more than once. She knows how important you are to me, even if she doesn't like it. I barely talked to her for well over a week after that, I was so mad. ...She doesn't want that.

[He never told Tsuna or Yamamoto about his mother and the family drama surrounding her, or about the old man that looked after him while he was homeless. Hell, neither his boss or partner know he looked after strays on the streets, or about so much concerning his life on Amoi. Zuko is keeping a lot of precious things and doesn’t even know it. He does now, though, as startling as it clearly seems.

The accusation is also an assumption. Gokudera knows Azula doesn’t like him and would likely tug on his collar if given the opportunity, and be able to see what it does to him. The bomber wonders if she would stop, or if she would play with that obvious weakness.]

And if she were to accidentally take my head off and I came back to life...?

[He has no idea whether or not he would come back, or if Azula would actually tug at his collar that much, even with just the intention to make him uncomfortable. Any innocent person could do it and not mean to kill him. It’s a huge weakness, this stupid collar on his neck.]

If she what...? What are you talking about?

[ Zuko's affronted just hearing the idea raised. He doesn't know all about this crazy collar yet. And he doesn't see how someone can accidentally behead someone... Let alone, still unnerved by this talk of resurrection like this. Did he die before from beheading, he wonders, is that where this is coming from?! ]

Edited 2021-05-18 18:14 (UTC)

Oh the collar that was put on me, to mark me as property on Amoi. Until Yamamoto deactivates it-

[Gokudera stops and turns to face Zuko, then reached up and slips his fingers under the leather of the collar about his neck. He presses at it and tugs it roughly as if trying to take it off. It starts to tighten, a light beneath it glowing red. Zuko may be able to smell hair burning, and then Gokudera let’s it go. It starts to loosen.]

...It can't come off? What happens if you try to break it off?

[ His first thought. ]

[Gokudera blinks at him in honest disbelief, then motions for Zuko to come closer. He tugs again and it tightens, then he takes his hands and tries to pull, and it tightens again. Just further illustrating that it cannot and will not come off.]

I used to work at a clinic and we helped remove pet rings from ex-pets. If it was a ring on a finger, the finger came off, and if it was an earring, then the ear came off. A bracelet, and the hand came off. Tiny, violent explosions that severed whatever the ring was attached to. I would use my flames to dumb and heal the patients there.

So... if you try to break the collar.. [he turns his hand. Welcoming Zuko to put two and two together.]

[ Zuko stops in his tracks as Gokudera goes on, standing there staring after the boy with a sick look of shock and confusion and discernment on his face — maybe a mix of disgust in there... What a practice... ]

...Why would Yamamoto do that to you...

[ He says it somewhat quietly, barely above a whisper by accident. It's a lot for him to hear. He's not sure he fully understands, but if only Yamamoto can take it off, does that mean that he's the one who put it on him there in the first place...? Zuko tries not to jump the gun in his reaction, but if so — he'd be furious, and re-evaluating his perception of the baseball player drastically. ]

[Gokudera rubs at his neck carefully, the skin raw and obviously irritated by the heat and tension that had been around it. He glares at Zuko’s words, but won’t be honestly angry at his friend. Those words are said out of ignorance and because he cares.]

Let me say again and elaborate something... that the only way I could live in the city of Tanagura, where Elites lived was to sell myself as a pet. The Tenth and Yamamoto would both be Elite, and I would have to live in the slums of Midas and be jailed, drugged and questioned for so much as touching them in a world focused on sex as a means to make money and survive.

[He clears his throat.]

I requested that he accept me as his pet so that I could see the Tenth and ensure his safety and well-being. The baseball idiot never used the collar on me, and in the last world I was on, he deactivated it. Seems traveling through time and space has made it malfunction.

...But why'd he put it there — I don't understand!

[ He looks upset, increasingly. He doesn't mean to come across as angry — that's just his natural air, but in fact, he's heartbroken for Gokudera with every detail that's been shared, hearing this again at more length. He doesn't like this. It sounds like agony. Even if there were multiple different Yamamoto's, conceptually they can all be held accountable as the potential of one entity, right...? It's all the same person still. ]

I wanted it there. Visible so no one would fucking touch me aside from him! [And also he was pretty interested in pet play, but isn’t going to mention that.]

Stop saying it like it’s his fault! I decided to be his pet. I sold myself. I had the collar picked out and wanted everyone to see that I was not just some... trash they could pick up to make money off of!

[ Zuko gives Gokudera an odd lingering look, but understands more at last, he feels, and softens himself. ]

I guess ...it would never have been a problem to want to take it off in any situation but this, huh... If you were to be married or whatever.

[ He doesn't mean "or whatever" to sound as dismissive as he means it to sound all-inclusive of these various experiences the bomber's gone through. It's a lot. ]

[Gokudera won't stand for any situation that makes Yamamoto out to be the bad guy. Amoi pushed the bomber clearly to a breaking point and he bowed to it.]

Even if we were married in Amoi, I would still be his pet and need to wear the Pet Ring to maintain that relationship. Not for our sake, obviously, but because I wouldn't be allowed to stay with him if I weren't his property. On Anchor, he took it off as my dying request. It helped me come back from the dead, I think...

Anyways, on this world, it's not going to be so easy to have it removed. Yamamoto doesn't know anything about it. I haven't told him. Hell... I can't even talk to him.

[And so he turns to keep going, not bothered by anything dismissive in words or tone. Usually, he'd be more sensitive, but he's too mentally tired. He just wants to train and do something that will wear him out physically that he'll have control over.]

[ Zuko follows along, though maybe a step behind him, a little less gassed up as his thoughts on these matters swirl, trying to come to grips with Gokudera's traumas quietly. ]

Do you want him to take it off...?

[ It's an odd question, but a valid one. ]

No. I just want it deactivated. It's not that I mind wearing it, but I don't like what it does to me.

[And the dangers of his pet ring could put him in some very dangerous situations. He's walking around with a weak point right out in the open. A fatal weakness, and even unprovoked, it still keeps distracting him. He's expecting he won't get much sleep until the collar is deactivated, or if he has the baseball idiot take it off.]

What's it do, exactly? Beyond being... uh... a risk.

[ He's still uncomfortable imagining Gokudera being beheaded in any way. It's an unnerving cherry on top of this traumatic cake he's been served. ]

[Oh there are so many layers to this trauma cake that it may be accurate to call it a parfait.]

Pet rings are used for more than marking property.

[They're at the training grounds now, which makes this conversation feel a lot less public.]

They're used to train pets into behaving. Takeshi never used my collar for those purposes, but with activated voice commands, could issue me pain or pleasure respectively, and in varying degrees. Now it just... does it whenever for whatever reason even though he only set up the pain command with a phrase he'll never say.

[Unless it were a doppelganger of his, or someone with his voice... probably.]

Oh. ...But now it's malfunctioning and just sending random pain commands? Can't you tell him that you can't tell him all the details but you just need him to take it off? Or does he need to be fully informed about it to fix it...? Can he even fix it if this Yamamoto wasn't on that world?

[ Zuko follows along in stride with Gokudera as they reach the training grounds, already starting to feel a bit better just seeing them. He's comfortable here. ]

Well, pleasure too, though it's less frequent. [Maybe it is measuring his stress levels and he's more often stressed or anxious than happy, so it reacts and amplifies?]

I... maybe? The Yamamoto on this world seems to be from the same sort of timeline as the one that had me as a pet on Amoi. I could just ask him to take it off for me, but then he'll ask questions. It's pretty obvious that I'm also using it to hide... [He pauses and motions to the skin beneath the collar, scarred up from its persistent tightening and shocking.]

I could ask him and tell him I'm not comfortable sharing the details, but that's just going to make him ask more questions. Takeshi is very persistent.

[ Zuko leans in more when Gokudera gestures at the raw skin beneath the collar, examining it with a soft, concerned scowl. He looks at it a moment, and answers after a beat, leaning back with his arms crossed over his chest. ]

...So let him ask questions, then. A man has a right to his privacy. If he's your friend, he'll respect your secrets if you tell him to. But you need to get that thing off. And something for your skin under it... I'll ask Uncle for a salve.

[ Zuko says this very decisively, frowning all the while. He's serious. The way he shows his care and affection is just so stern sometimes, but he means well... ]

[Gokudera blankly stares at that. He can't just say that he and Yamamoto had a very violent fight in front of an enemy who later tortured Gokudera for information all because Gokudera wouldn't open up to the baseball idiot. The bomber puts a hand over his face and groans.]

No. As a friend, he will worry that me keeping my secrets means I am not valuing his desire to help and support me. He'll think I'm bottling something up and trying to be a loner or something when I just don't know how to talk to him about this! I can't even look him in the eyes, for god's sake! It is so.... so much easier said than done.

[Damn Takeshi being attractive and making Gokudera turn stupid and he can't. He just can't. He is dramatic. He can't do it. He'll get drawn right into those honey eyes and that well-meaning stupid smile and remember all the good things and this Yamamoto looks so much like his Takeshi and it makes him happy and weak and stupid and upset all at once. His stomach hurts. Gokudera wants to just... hide in a hole somewhere and not come out. He looks down. Please, Avalon. Open up a pit and swallow him right up. Please.]

So just tell him that! And promise him you'll explain later when you're ready and know how to say what you want to say. Someone needs to take that off you, if not him!

[ Zuko means so well. It's a sensitive matter, though. And he's not always sensitive, despite being pretty highly sensitive himself... ]

I can't!

[Gokudera is being so stubborn, but really, how is he even supposed to just ask? He has so many feelings towards Yamamoto that he can't even talk to him about anything basic. He's having a hard enough time not acknowledging the baseball idiot. He has to move out. Has to get space from him so he can think straight and stop feeling like he'll blow his own cover.]

I'll have him take it off eventually... I just... it's way harder to talk to him than you think. There's... a lot. It's... when I see him, he's not the same and I can hardly hold it all in...

[He puts his hands to his chest and hangs his head, sulking and thinking to himself that he had wished on Amoi that Tsuna or Yamamoto wouldn't get to see this version of himself. That he could just go home and forget that anything ever happened. But then he wouldn't have made his peace with Takeshi and found happiness.

It's clear what he needs to do. It's just the execution that's difficult.]

So have someone else take it off! What, are you just gonna avoid him from now on?! Avoid him and suffer spontaneously?!

[ He wraps a hand around his own neck for emphasis, imagining the thing sending those pain signals with some emotional discomfort of his own. Zuko's still pretty fixated on the beheading aspect in all this... Especially if the choker is not functioning as it should. That's why he's getting so cranky in response to Gokudera's stubbornness. And cuz he's... him. Cranky is what he does best. It's out of love, at least, this time. ]

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