rediscovering | avalon inbox;

[Gokudera won't stand for any situation that makes Yamamoto out to be the bad guy. Amoi pushed the bomber clearly to a breaking point and he bowed to it.]

Even if we were married in Amoi, I would still be his pet and need to wear the Pet Ring to maintain that relationship. Not for our sake, obviously, but because I wouldn't be allowed to stay with him if I weren't his property. On Anchor, he took it off as my dying request. It helped me come back from the dead, I think...

Anyways, on this world, it's not going to be so easy to have it removed. Yamamoto doesn't know anything about it. I haven't told him. Hell... I can't even talk to him.

[And so he turns to keep going, not bothered by anything dismissive in words or tone. Usually, he'd be more sensitive, but he's too mentally tired. He just wants to train and do something that will wear him out physically that he'll have control over.]

[ Zuko follows along, though maybe a step behind him, a little less gassed up as his thoughts on these matters swirl, trying to come to grips with Gokudera's traumas quietly. ]

Do you want him to take it off...?

[ It's an odd question, but a valid one. ]

No. I just want it deactivated. It's not that I mind wearing it, but I don't like what it does to me.

[And the dangers of his pet ring could put him in some very dangerous situations. He's walking around with a weak point right out in the open. A fatal weakness, and even unprovoked, it still keeps distracting him. He's expecting he won't get much sleep until the collar is deactivated, or if he has the baseball idiot take it off.]

What's it do, exactly? Beyond being... uh... a risk.

[ He's still uncomfortable imagining Gokudera being beheaded in any way. It's an unnerving cherry on top of this traumatic cake he's been served. ]

[Oh there are so many layers to this trauma cake that it may be accurate to call it a parfait.]

Pet rings are used for more than marking property.

[They're at the training grounds now, which makes this conversation feel a lot less public.]

They're used to train pets into behaving. Takeshi never used my collar for those purposes, but with activated voice commands, could issue me pain or pleasure respectively, and in varying degrees. Now it just... does it whenever for whatever reason even though he only set up the pain command with a phrase he'll never say.

[Unless it were a doppelganger of his, or someone with his voice... probably.]

Oh. ...But now it's malfunctioning and just sending random pain commands? Can't you tell him that you can't tell him all the details but you just need him to take it off? Or does he need to be fully informed about it to fix it...? Can he even fix it if this Yamamoto wasn't on that world?

[ Zuko follows along in stride with Gokudera as they reach the training grounds, already starting to feel a bit better just seeing them. He's comfortable here. ]

Well, pleasure too, though it's less frequent. [Maybe it is measuring his stress levels and he's more often stressed or anxious than happy, so it reacts and amplifies?]

I... maybe? The Yamamoto on this world seems to be from the same sort of timeline as the one that had me as a pet on Amoi. I could just ask him to take it off for me, but then he'll ask questions. It's pretty obvious that I'm also using it to hide... [He pauses and motions to the skin beneath the collar, scarred up from its persistent tightening and shocking.]

I could ask him and tell him I'm not comfortable sharing the details, but that's just going to make him ask more questions. Takeshi is very persistent.

[ Zuko leans in more when Gokudera gestures at the raw skin beneath the collar, examining it with a soft, concerned scowl. He looks at it a moment, and answers after a beat, leaning back with his arms crossed over his chest. ]

...So let him ask questions, then. A man has a right to his privacy. If he's your friend, he'll respect your secrets if you tell him to. But you need to get that thing off. And something for your skin under it... I'll ask Uncle for a salve.

[ Zuko says this very decisively, frowning all the while. He's serious. The way he shows his care and affection is just so stern sometimes, but he means well... ]

[Gokudera blankly stares at that. He can't just say that he and Yamamoto had a very violent fight in front of an enemy who later tortured Gokudera for information all because Gokudera wouldn't open up to the baseball idiot. The bomber puts a hand over his face and groans.]

No. As a friend, he will worry that me keeping my secrets means I am not valuing his desire to help and support me. He'll think I'm bottling something up and trying to be a loner or something when I just don't know how to talk to him about this! I can't even look him in the eyes, for god's sake! It is so.... so much easier said than done.

[Damn Takeshi being attractive and making Gokudera turn stupid and he can't. He just can't. He is dramatic. He can't do it. He'll get drawn right into those honey eyes and that well-meaning stupid smile and remember all the good things and this Yamamoto looks so much like his Takeshi and it makes him happy and weak and stupid and upset all at once. His stomach hurts. Gokudera wants to just... hide in a hole somewhere and not come out. He looks down. Please, Avalon. Open up a pit and swallow him right up. Please.]

So just tell him that! And promise him you'll explain later when you're ready and know how to say what you want to say. Someone needs to take that off you, if not him!

[ Zuko means so well. It's a sensitive matter, though. And he's not always sensitive, despite being pretty highly sensitive himself... ]

I can't!

[Gokudera is being so stubborn, but really, how is he even supposed to just ask? He has so many feelings towards Yamamoto that he can't even talk to him about anything basic. He's having a hard enough time not acknowledging the baseball idiot. He has to move out. Has to get space from him so he can think straight and stop feeling like he'll blow his own cover.]

I'll have him take it off eventually... I just... it's way harder to talk to him than you think. There's... a lot. It's... when I see him, he's not the same and I can hardly hold it all in...

[He puts his hands to his chest and hangs his head, sulking and thinking to himself that he had wished on Amoi that Tsuna or Yamamoto wouldn't get to see this version of himself. That he could just go home and forget that anything ever happened. But then he wouldn't have made his peace with Takeshi and found happiness.

It's clear what he needs to do. It's just the execution that's difficult.]

So have someone else take it off! What, are you just gonna avoid him from now on?! Avoid him and suffer spontaneously?!

[ He wraps a hand around his own neck for emphasis, imagining the thing sending those pain signals with some emotional discomfort of his own. Zuko's still pretty fixated on the beheading aspect in all this... Especially if the choker is not functioning as it should. That's why he's getting so cranky in response to Gokudera's stubbornness. And cuz he's... him. Cranky is what he does best. It's out of love, at least, this time. ]

I can't have someone else take it off!!! I would if I could!

Yeah! I'm gonna avoid him as much as I can! It's not like it's even that bad!

[The beheading would happen if someone other than Yamamoto tries to take it off. So. Yeah, he'll take those little pain or pleasure pulses instead of being beheaded. As for addressing Yamamoto ~~he's restricted while Cian is on hiatus~~, he has to steel himself!]

...So what're you gonna do with everything you'll keep pent up inside, then? You need more outlets than just piano and magic training.

[ He wears a stern look, an odd expression like the gears are already turning, searching for an actionable way to help. That's what his uncle would do. Find a way to outlet that energy. Combat training is much more than just that... with intentional philosophy and mindfulness behind it, it's therapeutic, too. Zuko's form is firmer, shifting his feet on the ground for a sturdier stance suddenly, as an idea comes to mind. ]

I was going to use my dynamite too, don't worry.

[He gives a gentle scoff and then narrows his eyes at the way Zuko shifts. What are they starting already? Gokudera feels like it's been too long since he tried out any of his magic.]

What, you going to try to kick me with fire again? [He takes a step back, grinning in an almost teasing manner. Gokudera knows the importance of fire to this guy, but if he's going to stand like that, the bomber isn't sure what to expect.]

No...

[ He knows it's a joke, but he still scowls. ]

You should do chi exercises. To outlet this shit.

Alright. How do I do that?

[He's still grinning. Poking fun at Zuko is enjoyable, even if he's scowling. Gokudera knows his friend meant well, so of course, he can't just accept that without giving him some form of hell to deal with in return.]

Roar.

[ He can give him hell right back. But he's not grinning — he's completely serious. ]

...

[He opens his mouth to reply, stops, reconsiders, scratches at his neck and then-]

What?

You heard me. Roar like a tigerdillo. Or, uh— what was it... A leopard. Do leopards roar?

[ He's not sure now. Faltering. But only barely, for semantics. ]

It's more like...a uh...

[He clears his throat and then starts to make a soft throaty noise before pushing his voice through.]

Raaauuugh. [It almost sounds like a chuff. Gokudera growls and rolls his 'r's enough anyways that it doesn't sound that weird. Maybe since it isn't accompanied by a word it may be strange. He even tries again.]

Rrrrrroaaauhhrr! [A little more breathy, but still soft, still testing.]

...Okay, not like that.

[ Do you see this flat face? That disarmed him... But he's got his dander back up quick enough. ]

Maybe not a leopard, but another animal that roars! Roar! A real roar! That didn't let anything out!

[Gokudera isn't putting any motion behind his attempts to mimic his leopard's roar. He looks confused.]

Oh, you want it loud? I can't really roar, you know that, right? Never have. [He's also never really tried, so there's that. Gokudera can be loud, though. No problem. The boy takes in a deep breath, pushes his shoulders back some, then-]

RRAWWWWWWWWWWHHHHR! [Ouch, that kind of hurt his throat. He coughs a bit, damn his unhealthy habits.]

Yeah! Like that!

[ Zuko grins, nodding. He strengthens his stance again, but this time splays his arms out, palms flat and open, outstretched firmly, his whole frame wide. ]

Okay, now do it again, but use your body this time! From your center!

[ What the hell does that mean?! ]

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1/2; i'm CRYING with laughter

2/2

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