rediscovering | avalon inbox;

[He was also nervous when meeting Iroh, but partly because the old man had asked him questions about the mafia. That was an -understandably- serious topic to be somewhat backed into by a man whom he immediately felt pressured to respect and speak kindly with. Gokudera thinks he handled himself rather well. Zuko would have to actively try hard to offend Linneus in order to do so, and even then, he doubts that Linneus would judge him harshly. They are both kind. Gokudera wouldn't befriend and introduce them if they weren't.

Gokudera looks on at the fairy, smiling fondly. Ever since his time-travel-world-jumping nap, he'd developed a fondness for the fae. Maybe because he doesn't recall the curse they'd placed on him, or that he'd made his peace.

At Linneus mentioning Violet, his mind jumps back to the topic he'd drifted away from.]

He had punished me for letting another mongrel into the house without his permission. [Gokudera looks away, face lighting up an embarrassed scarlet as he recalls vividly what had happened and how he'd felt.]

He recorded our entire interaction, showed it to me, and I did not apologize. I felt my privacy had been violated, and for arguing with him, he uh... put a cage....

[This is too embarrassing to talk about in public. The tea can not come fast enough.]

Iskandar, the mongrel I'd had over saw it, and spoke with him. Violet was very controlling, it was his home, and I was his property, and I did not reserve myself for him. I should have never signed the contract to be his pet, but we broke it off amicably, and he supported me until I found housing with Linneus.

"Mongrel?"

[ Zuko wears a look of vague disgust, disapproval, at the use of the word. "Another mongrel" implies that Gokudera is a mongrel. He doesn't like that implication. At all. ]

What do you mean he recorded your interaction— he, uh... made a video of it? Like in secret? That is a violation of privacy, I didn't even think—

[ He stops himself, glancing to Linneus, and feels the need suddenly to explain more, before continuing. ]

Uh— I come from a world where we don't have shit like that. Video. Recording. Technology. Stuff... But even if I had, that's a shitty thing to do!

Mmm. [the hum is probably enough to convey Linneus' distaste] The castes were determined by hair colour. If one had red hair or lighter, they were considered of the lower caste - Mongrels. They could be taken by Elites as Pets. Most of those who had arrived on Amoi from other worlds were familiar with this practice, one way or another - if not Amoi's particular... presentation.

[a little shift of his shoulders - in absence of teawares to fiddle with, he busies his hands gathering menus and setting tidily aside as he speaks. Choosing his words - it is delicate to discuss in public, and double-speak can only stretch so far when he's not sure how much Zuko knows]

So most non-native Elites would be a little looser than natives, though in others I fear it only encouraged the worst of them. But I'm thankful at least that Violet supported Gokudera that far - though you know I disagree with his... approaches.

[straightening up at Zuko's explanation]

Ah, yes - as did I. I learned a little about it during my time in Amoi, though I had never realised such technologies could be easily hidden. I came to understand it the hard way - I'm not sure I ever told Gokudera the story... [glancing at the other teen - Linneus has always been an easy blusher, but there is certainly a little colour gathering in his cheek] Of how I came to meet Katze?

Yeah. You'd be an Elite, Zuko. [Which may be why his collar is so reactive around him? It's an assumption. Gokudera living with Yamamoto and Tsuna currently also does not help.]

Yeah, he had camera's all over and would record when he was not home because he didn't trust me.

[He's watching as their food is brought out, and the pot of tea as well. Gokudera isn't in any rush to eat, and just merely nods at their server as he listens to Linneus.]

Were you a pet when we met, Linneus? I can't remember... I just recall the weather being warm... [He'd arrived in Anchor and someone had shot him with some power of theirs to restore his memories, which made a good many he created on Amoi feel weak, crumbling away. He no longer feels like a misplaced native of that world, but like the reality of what happened weighs heavier.]

I met Katze once. Nice guy... you didn't tell me about how you met.

[ Zuko doesn't like hearing he'd be an Elite, even though it seems so arbitrary to him, perhaps because it seems so arbitrary to him, but something sits quite poorly with him about it. He scowls, hearing the boys' explanations. He's glad for the food and tea to arrive as a distraction, but lets the two old friends continue telling him their story without interrupting, not finding any point to make in the meantime. Instead, he begins pouring cups of tea for the three of them and divvying up dumplings evenly on each plate. Polite prince. ]

[he automatically reaches for the teapot once the staff have left - force of habit - but Zuko gets there first]

Oh-- thank you.

[almost sheepishly, withdrawing his hands, though his familiar does flutter in to check. The cream jug is too heavy, but she is able to deposit two sugar lumps in the cup for Linneus - in two separate trips, and to Linneus' gentle amusement.]

I arrived before the castes changed - I took on a Pet myself and then when the castes inverted so did the ownership. Makoto left a little after you and I met, but it was a little over a year. Katze I met a lot earlier - there was a terrible run of these cameras being where the shouldn't and-- broad-casting? - people's private moments to strangers.

He was able to come and remove the one in my room. But I confess I made... something of an exhibition of myself, first, not knowing it was there.

[Gokudera does wonder how his and Zuko's relationship may be if they were on Amoi instead of Avalon. He'd never met him until this world, but with the way the Fire Prince has been so interested in him, there's another idle question as to whether or not he would take the Storm Guardian in as a pet... to keep him safe. It's nothing he'd seriously consider, still stuck being property despite Amoi being far away and unknown to most people.]

Was he impartial about it? I can't imagine if he would be interested in you in that way, or if he simply thought it was surprising to see a braodcast like that compared to how you usually act...

Ah— ...that sounds awful...

[ Zuko would be mortified, he probably wouldn't leave the house for at least a week! Just the thought brings a faint blush to his cheeks. Also, this is a perfect stranger he's having this conversation with, and he can barely speak about sex and such with the actual person he has sex with regularly... Accidental public broadcasts of something private because of an invasive, paranoid partner of some kind? It's a lot to imagine. He can't hide a grimace, a transparent person more than he even realizes he is. ]

Mmm. [in soft agreement with Zuko, delicately stirring his tea, his familiar perched on the handle of the teacup] I do tend to believe these things should be kept behind closed doors - I'd not appreciated how technology rather tends to frustrate privacy. But better me than someone else.

[the blush is still apparent on his cheek - hardly unwilling to talk but certainly tiptoeing about his words. They're still in public.]

He was remarkably good about it, though it was his culture in the first place. I was always quite comfortable with Katze. I think he learned more about me in that evening than I might have preferred to give on a first meeting - I did attempt to revive my image by serving him tea, but it does not change that that was his very first impression of me...!

[he was raised to ensure that guests to the house were properly received - but it does seem even more ridiculous, once he says it. A laughing shake of his head]

That was simply the way of things in Amoi - these things would so often end up public, anyway, for this or that reason, and it was no help that I didn't understand the technology, which may as well have been magic to me. And now I find myself here. I'm coming to understand how very different it is.

Even if you were never interested in something like that, Amoi was full of so many situations that not only encouraged it, but would influence or put you in circumstances where you had little choice. Being drugged was pretty common... Even with things like pollen, or just... some rooms you could walk into.

It is as Linneus said, though... the way of things.

[Gokudera feels irritated with the shift of his surroundings, and the lack of relationships and start of new ones, and not many people know which is a comfort but also a headache. Their ignorance about him is not something he wants to think much on. Gokudera moves to drink his tea without anything in it.]

You can only imagine how a place like that, and then coming here compare. It's almost dizzying.

Being drugged...?! Wh— Why was it like that?

[ Zuko's got a faint blush on, but tries to keep his composure despite his bashfulness about these matters. ]

Um— ...In Lunatia, the world I was in before this— it was powered by touching each other... This energy force called Chroma. It was being harnessed to restore their world, because the natives lost their ability to generate that energy themselves. But— it was generated from us touching in any way. Holding hands. Even fighting. It wasn't all, um— encouraging more...

[ He puts all this very lightly, such a straight talker in most other cases, but is definitely someone who errs on the side of gentle phrasing when talking about sexual matters, even when not talking about them with someone he's never met. ]

It was... encouragement. For people to "perform" for one another.

[Pausing for a sip of his tea, a moment to recover himself, though that is not enough to hide how clipped his words were, his rare frown of distaste at uttering them.

Straightening himself up, his little way of distancing the two topics-]

That sounds preferable - maybe not fighting, but the rest of it...! I have always very tactile with those I care about - I'd rather that than having to be as forward as I have had to be in the past.

[not just meaning Amoi. He's tiptoeing around Ivore, too. A gentle chuckle, watching his familiar hop off his saucer and start dragging the cake fork over. Cutting her a few little slivers-]

Yes, yes. [heavens, but the slice is almost as tall as she is!] But it is still a little strange for me. Mongrels and Elites-- they were not permitted to touch, for the longest time. I was on Amoi so long and grew so accustomed, sometimes-- it seems simply foolish, how I police myself...!

I'm sure you could imagine, Zuko. Being in a world so focused on something like that, and not knowing many people... you had to at some point engage in activities with people you'd never met... Drugs made it easier. There were many, too...

[Gokudera never willingly did any drugs except for eating fruit, drinking alcohol, But there were so many other means of delivery for aphrodisiacs. He'd been injected with things, had things put on his body against his will that made him act certain ways... been... trained.

Listening to Linneus admit that he's been very tactile has Gokudera offering his hand to him with a smile, resting it on the tabletop. Linneus is very emotionally supportive for him, has always been, it feels like.]

I still do. [He admits gently. Policing himself. Every person who gets too close, he wonders and startles if they are going to touch him, if anyone is watching him, if anyone is going to do anything.]

Y-Yeah... That'd be hard for me. The only people I've done, uh— stuff like that— with... I've known for basically my whole life... Someone on the other planet told me about doing stuff with strangers, even in a world without Chroma, and I— I don't think I could... [ If you catch his drift. He averts his eyes. ] I'd be too uncomfortable. So, uh— I guess all kinds of drugs make sense...

[ He pauses to sip his tea, looking into it with downcast eyes and a furrowed brow in thought. ]

I can't imagine what you guys have gone through... It all sounds so— um... intense?

[ He doesn't have a better word at his fingertips. He glances back up to them, Linneus first, then Gokudera, his gaze lingering on the bomber. It sounds so traumatic, is what it sounds! But he doesn't wanna say that outright, necessarily. He also made a friend like Linneus, who seems so dear to him. Zuko can't help but think he'd do so poorly in a world like that himself, even beyond being inexperienced or feeling awkward in so many ways; even having been around the block much more since leaving home, he knows he's still far too much the jealous type. ]

I understand. As I say, in my country these things were usually kept behind closed doors. But I was... familiar with being owned before I arrived, so in many respects it wasn't a difficult adjustment.

[some respects he is not going to mention. Another sip of his tea with his free hand - his other in Gokudera's as soon as he offered, almost without his realising or acknowledging. Naturally the boy would know his tendency to touch better than most, given their time living together.]

There were so many who had lead less constrained lives than I had - and there I was, not sure I knew necessarily what to do with freedom, it seemed almost unfair the brief time that I was an Elite. But it was important to me to protect my... charge from being forced into anything he was not ready for. [not using the word "Pet" again.] For better or worse my experience helped me with that. I was not prepared to be a master, but if I was to be one, I wanted to ensure I was better than those I had known.

[a smile at his familiar, perched contentedly on the edge of the plate, shimmering different colours with each small cake piece she draws into herself]

Of course there was so much new that that was quite difficult, in itself. But I am at least a little bit better with technology than when this all started...!

It is.

[Uncomfortable and intense. Gokudera is still thinking back, reminiscing about some of his first ever really intense sexual experiences on Amoi. Hearing Linneus mention that he'd been owned before brings him back and his hand being accepted is warm, familiar, and comforting. It feels not too long ago he was so stuck thinking he would be alone in what he'd been through. Linneus is a comfort to him in so many ways that it's obvious with this physical contact Gokudera is more comfortable now than he's seemed in the last few weeks, or since he ever even woke up.

He listens, his thumb stroking the back of Linneus's hand and over his knuckles. Part of him wishes that they had been in different classes. Gokudera would have appreciated the care that this man has given him.]

[ He notices their hands holding, but averts his eyes. He can't imagine — doesn't really want to imagine — what both of them must have been through in that place. It all sounds so bizarre; it made Lunatia sound like a vacation getaway, which he's now feeling a little sheepish for having resented so much then... He tone is tempered when he speaks, taking in Linneus' words with due gravity. ]

...That's noble of you. Not everyone would have that reaction, if given the power — even if they'd been in the opposite position themselves before. Power and control do something to people. It's impressive you remained kind in, um— if I can say so, a world that really doesn't sound like it encouraged so much kindness, either...

No, that is true. Natives to Amoi - those who had never known life elsewhere... they could be particularly cruel. The society practically encouraged it. For one holiday, whipping Mongrels was one of the yearly traditions.

[holding Gokudera's hand a little bit tighter, or his hand would be rising to the back of his neck, his shoulders.]

And so especially after the castes changed, there were former Pets who perhaps had an axe to grind against their former Masters. For those Elites who had no contracts... it was as much as being turned out into destitution. They forced from Tanagura, where everything was given to them, to make their own way in Midas, in the slums. Naturally the changeover itself proved... quite chaotic within the city itself. Though now I look back on it, I was 'high' at the time - I wandered somewhere I perhaps ought not have been...!

[Gokudera hasn't heard that story - his glance toward him is almost sheepish - though it is probably clear for anyone that it is not exactly a habit for Linneus, given that the word is so obviously borrowed]

We were at least a little prepared, when our contracts expired, though that was almost a year after. It was hardly easy-living in Midas but I felt rather more comfortable there than Tanagura. I have always worked, so I was not used to sitting idle...!

[Gokudera has heard enough about Lunatia that really, it sounds so mild compared to Amoi. That world wanted people to touch, doesn't sound so sex-focused as Amoi had been. With the pressure of... performance, and the caste system, it all felt like a trap to keep Gokudera back in the mental state he'd been trying to overcome. He's still struggling to value himself, having what little self-worth he had stepped on, having the title mongrel beaten in... it's a miracle he's still strong. Linneus helps. He knows that the other thinks of him as strong, and worth more than he's ever been treated or seen himself.]

And as time went on, the world would turn you into a native. You'd have memories altered... dreams of home that seemed more like nightmares and less like the truth...

[He's not letting go of that hand, and he knows what holiday Linneus is referring to. How Hibari had helped him in injuring those who whipped this kind pink-haired young man.]

Living in Midas as a mongrel made me feel like I was back home... and that things would never get better. [He's a bit stuck in his head now.]

[ Zuko listens on, feeling the weight of their words, his face awash with a look that's both empathic and disturbed at once, discerning, a frown tugging his lips and brow. He skips a beat after Gokudera's statement, chewing it all over, coming to a final verdict that may be delivered, well— a bit casually for what he's actually asking... ]

...How the fuck are you guys okay after a place like that?

[ ...Are they, even? Maybe not. ]

[nodding his head at that]

Mmm - that was the most insidious part of it, I think. It got into one's dreams, one's memories. Even saying "Natives to Amoi"... it is more grey than that, perhaps. I am thankful that for me, it never progressed too far beyond strange memories and confusion - it was so easy for me to cast my life in Amoi's terms, until I would find a gap, or something that didn't fit, and I'd start questioning things.

[a sip of his tea, a squeeze of Gokudera's hand]

But many of us came to a feeling of belonging that was... quite unnatural, even though much of the time it felt anything but that. For a lot of people those 'gaps' closed and it became near-impossible to see the old life underneath. That the memories had changed, or how much. My journal from that time is... a troubling read.

Okay?

[He shakes his head gently.]

It's... a matter of progress. [They will be okay. It's just going to be a development to get there.

Gokudera remembers his journal. He still has it, and it is clearly damaged, but it's private and mostly written in G-script, a recollection of memories from Namimori and him going over them day by day to see any discrepancies.]

I brought mine with me. [It's basically a small black notebook a little larger than a moleskine pocket notebook. In his pocket with a picture of his boss and Yamamoto. He used to show people on Amoi in the hopes he'd find Tsuna.]

Wait— it... corrupted your memories from home? Like changed them, made you forget, made your recollection of your real life foggy...? As if you'd always been there?

[ Zuko's growing more and more disturbed with everything he hears about these places. His face shows his troubled thoughts over it. He's suddenly feeling so lucky that the worlds he's been spirited away to have been fairly benign... Prismatica just wanted people to touch, not necessarily fuck, no caste systems, no corruption... And Avalon— well, really, it's been a walk in the park apart from his own shortcomings. Were he not royalty and knew how to do things and take care of himself so he wasn't broke all the time, which he recognizes on some level at least, he could be living the easy life here. He's content practicing his magic; it's a project for him. He has all his friends here. Everyone remembers home, remembers Lunatia, with the exception of Gokudera... but clearly, even that gap between them has been no huge hindrance to rebuilding their friendship. But this other world... Amoi... Zuko finds himself counting his lucky stars almost literally, cosmically displaced to somewhere arguably quite comfortable. ]

Mmm. When I remembered things-- this may not be a good example, but there was this technology on Amoi called a "skin", you could use it to change the appearance of things. So when I was gifted one that turned my bedroom into a garden the appearance was changed, but... it was still the same four walls, the same bed and furniture. For me, it was like that with my memories?

[furrowing his brow - he barely understands modern tech, he's not convinced he's given a sound analogy at all.]

I would remember my upbringing in Guardian - where children were raised on Amoi; and I'd remember there were other boys with me. But I was never raised with many other children - only my master's son. So I could prattle on about these 'other children' but I could never have told you their names - what they looked like. And then the other way around - I remember climbing up to the rooftop on summer nights and watching the stars, but all of Amoi's roofs are too high to climb to. The shapes are different-- even the sky is the wrong colour.

[glancing down - his familiar has settled on his free hand]

One begins to doubt oneself - which memories are real and which are made up. I would say I pride myself on remembering names and faces-- it was distressing when such things started to fade, and some stayed lost to me even after my memory cleared. [trying for a little levity] Until I came here I still wondered sometimes whether I might be going senile early...!

Hibari did not remember Namimori. I remember being upset at him for that. But he'd been on Amoi for so long, I wouldn't be surprised if somewhere else took its place to him. I... Thought my parents were split up because they were part of different castes... but I never once saw a child or heard of any children being delivered. Aside from my memories...

[Gokudera hopes his explanation clarifies, considering he knows that he's told Zuko a great deal about Hibari.]

avalon inbox;

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Oof, this was longer than I meant it to be, sorry...!

we love the too-long tags here. Write me an essay, please <3

extra long tag club, we love long tags yes please all the words

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sorry for the delay!! fell in a hole lol. let's continue if y'all would like!

You may have to stop me ^^;

I'm not stopping anyone, including myself!