rediscovering | avalon inbox;

[ Zuko is quiet, standing beside him and staring out the balcony just the same. But after a beat, once Hikaru's composure starts to slip again, he takes a step closer and puts his arm around the other's shoulders gently, continuing to stare out ahead. He takes a moment to speak, to consider his words, but when he finds them, he's intentional to speak with a tempered tone, slowly and ruminatively. ]

...I think—... There are many Kaoru's. Many versions of Kaoru. Like— how Gokudera didn't remember Lunatia, only his home, but then woke up one day with all these memories of some other worlds he was on. I knew another version of him. It was still him, but— ...stupid time and space stuff, y'know. But— a-anyway— what I mean is... There's a version of Kaoru that's safe at home, and that's the real Kaoru, too. That's the realest Kaoru, kinda, right?

[ Zuko feels like he's talking out of his ass, even though he knows he's speaking from the heart; but it's not like he understands any of this timey-wimey wibbly-wobbly shit, either. He can't help but be reminded of the first time he'd tried to comfort Hikaru about Kaoru's absence, so long ago when they first got trapped in the bubble. It's a bit similar. But so, so, so much has changed since then... At least he has a better understanding of how the universe works by now, not that he understands it at all. ]

[Hikaru prefers touch, always being in touch with Kaoru. They were always hanging all over each other and so he's happy to have Zuko near because without his twin, that source is gone. He has Taichi but Taichi just got a theater and has all his friends from his world. Taichi's busy and even Hikaru knows that Taichi can't just stop everything. he's thankful for Zuko honestly.

Even with that explanation. Since learning about the fact there were different worlds, these different kinds of people with different backgrounds and experiences. Hikaru is a conspiracy theorist, of course he knows this is possible.]

I hate thinking about that crap and it doesn't change that the Kaoru I know is gone and who knows where he is? Or that some other Kaoru is hurt right now. Or even dead but I don't know. [And that's the most frustrating part.] Kaoru and I always know. I've always had him and I...don't know how to go on without him. [And that sounds serious and it is because he doesn't. How is he supposed to do anything without Kaoru?]

He's my twin? He's my...everything.

I know. ...I know.

[ Zuko isn't sure what to say, knowing there's not much he can say, tone thickening with empathy as his search for words fails, and he just tightens his arm around Hikaru some, lowering his lashes in thought and glancing away from the boy even as he draws him nearer. ]

...You'll go on, though. You guys may have shared everything, but— you can't share a destiny. I know it doesn't help to hear it. But you're your own person, Hikaru — you have your own destiny. And Kaoru's still a part of it, even when he's not here. You'll see each other again.

[ This much he feels certain of. ]

[That isn't what he wants to hear but he also knows it's true. He knows them having to have their own lives is something that Kaoru worried about time to time (though he has no idea just how much it weighs on Kaoru's mind...and he may never.). Though Hikaru isn't too concerned about that part.]

Maybe but our destinies are still supposed to be together. I mean, back in Lunatia, I was without him for a month. Then here he was without me for a month. But I just have this feeling he's not going to be here again.

[He leans against Zuko and grips the banister tighter.] I don't even know what to do without him. Kaoru and I were going to start a new high fashion line here and it doesn't feel right if I did that on my own.

[ Zuko's brow knots when he hears Hikaru's gut feeling that the twins won't be reunited this time. He doesn't have anything to say to that. No one else would know better; it's not just Hikaru being fatalistic, maybe. But when he leans in closer, Zuko just tightens his arm around his shoulders and leans in too, providing what little comfort he can. And he knows it's very little. He keeps his own eyes fixed forward still, watching the scene below lazily as he chews all this over, and speaks more carefully than usual. ]

I think—... ...I think Kaoru would want you to keep designing, Hikaru. Or— d-doing something. Making art, making money, doing whatever makes you a little bit happy sometimes. I can't speak for him, and only you'd know how he'd feel; but I knew Kaoru, too, and if he is in some other world again, then— I think he'd rather imagine you creating your own things here, even if you're without him, rather than imagining you alone, furiously trashing your apartment.

[ It's not a dig. Zuko's furiously trashed his own apartment before, too, after all — Hikaru and Kaoru even helped clean it up once. He's trying to be gentler than he may usually be, but he's still going to speak plainly. He glances over to Hikaru to gauge his reaction on that, uncertain in its impact, but pretty certain in his intention. He's sure of his sentiment, just not his delivery. ]

[Hikaru does truly listen to Zuko because he's absolutely right that Kaoru wouldn't want him to just stop doing anything. Kaoru would want him to keep designing but Hikaru doesn't think he can keep doing fashion.]

You're right but I can't imagine doing our designs without him. Everything we've designed, all of the ideas...they're ours. And doing any fashion without him doesn't feel right. I can find something else to do, I've got ideas, but...not that.

[And he does try to make a joke:] And probably anything that doesn't have me making a mess of our place.

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