name Zuko — series Avatar: the Last Airbender — moonblessing Sanguis residence Level 2 — roommatesTamaki + Hikaru + Kaoru — work busboy at Niisan's Teppanyaki
.......this place is just so weird. makes these things even worse, much more confusing than at home. I’ve been here almost four months and I’m still uncomfortable. i can’t imagine being so casual.
Of course it's weird, it's an alien planet whose main source of energy comes from physical contact. Everywhere you turn there is something encouraging you to be intimate with people, most of us don't have to deal with that at home. It's okay to be uncomfortable, especially when you're inexperienced, it'd be weird if you weren't. Trust me, as easy as I make it sound, being casual isn't all it's cracked up to be.
It's just simpler sometimes because feelings give someone a chance to hurt you. And love, the real thing, it can be painful.
i know that.... it already hurts and nothing's even happened yet. im just confused. im not in love, i just... like someone, i dont know. at home i had a girlfriend and it doesnt feel like that. but at the same time it feels closer in some ways too. but i don't understand what's real and what's just the stupid moons and chroma shit. how can i tell whats authentic???
Answer me this, how do you feel when you see this person? What's your first reaction when you think about them or see their face?
The moons can make you horny, they can't make you feel like you're in love or want something more than physical contact. Sanguis will make you want to claim people but not for more than the sex, trust me, I've done plenty under my moon and the other two don't have the possession trait.
i don't know...... i never thought about it. good? especially seeing his face, i guess. like i'm happy when we hang out. i always smile when i see him. but that doesn't mean i'm in love, that's just being friends!!! right?? i think he's technically my first "best friend," like people say, so maybe that's it? plus chroma? i know i don't want to be boyfriends, i dont really know much about that cuz it's illegal where i'm from and i've only ever been with girls but if it's the same feeling then i don't want that with him. i had a girlfriend at home. it doesn't feel like that. and i definitely don't want to "claim" him!! not like that! but... i don't know, it's different. than with her or anyone else in my life. i act different around him, too. but it's open, it's honest, like my guard is down. and i didn't even act like that with my girlfriend.
i don't think i want to date him, i don't want to have sex with him, but i like everything about him, even weird dumb stuff, little things... i think he's really funny, we joke a lot... and i like touching him a lot and like it when he touches me. i want more but i don't know of what and i definitely don't want anything to change. it doesn't make any sense, thats why i thought it might be the moons or the chroma or just a new kind of relationship i've never had, or maybe that's just our unique dynamic, but i don't know why i'm so confused over defining it, and i dont feel comfortable asking my uncle about it, so i'm going crazy trying to figure it out on my own......!!
There's your problem, you've never had a chance to honestly explore your sexuality, with it being illegal where you're from, which is bullshit. Could be you do like men, maybe more than women.
I mean, if nothing else it speaks to physical desire if you like when he touches you and want him to touch you more, could be you just want friends with benefits, sexual desire and love are not exclusive, even when it comes to your friends, but better not to act on them unless you feel both. The problem here is, is he just chroma and friendship or do you think he has feelings for you too?
i dont like guys more!!! only him. i've never felt this way about other men. or girls either, though. like i said it's..... different. but i know i like girls. i've only had one girlfriend at home though. and they're just very different kinds of people, so that's really why it feels so different, i guess. there are some similar thoughts that cross my mind though.... but i don't know if he has feelings for me. i can't tell. i don't want to ask him. maybe that means i already know the answer....
what's friends with benefits?? like a friend you makeout with and stuff but don't date? isn't that what you said not to do, because it confuses things and hurts and could ruin the friendship....?
Only him or he's the first guy, there's nothing wrong with it. I've been with men and women both in relationships and just having sex. Usually, you can tell if someone has feelings for you, how does he act when you guys touch, does he seem to respond the way you do? Is he even gay? Has he said he likes guys?
Yup, see, you're learning. It's why you have to figure out how you feel, if you have feelings more than friends with benefits than go for it, if not, just be his friend.
i dont know.... i guess we've never talked about it explicitly. ive never heard him talk about girls. i dont think he even has any friends who are girls, none that he's mentioned, now that i think about it... does that mean maybe he is gay??? i dont think i am though. you like both boys and girls...? the same? or one more than the other? or just depends on the person.....? i guess that part is most important. i dont think its bad to be gay, i just dont know any gay people before coming here... it's a very old law.
what if i suggest the benefits but he rejects me?? then it'd be weird for the friendship after that, wouldnt it?? how do i tell if he likes me? like that i mean... my girlfriend at home was very direct, it helped a lot. i think he has less experience than i do.
>[Kaji sends him the address of Hifumi's host club, he will be outside, waiting with a cigarette between his lips, staring up at the sky as if in thought.]
[ Zuko's hesitant at first. Who the hell even is this guy? Literally meeting up with some virtually anonymous rando off the internet for... sex advice. Meeting up with some rando off the internet for sex made more sense than for sex advice, he thought as he dressed to go; 100% a hoodie occasion. He keeps his head covered by the comfy black jacket, hands both shoved firmly in its pockets as he skulks to their meeting spot. He's done some reckless things in his life, indulged many a strange impulse, but somehow this seems to him one of the most odd, despite it being such low-stakes recklessness.
He'd already shared enough via text, which was a lot easier for him to open up in, he's found; but part of the allure and ease of their insightful conversation had been that it felt somewhat anonymous, unrelated. But not uninvested, clearly; they'd spoken rather impersonally about very personal things and now it was about to get actually personal. But he's shared shit with this guy he's not told his friends or uncle or anyone... He doesn't even know his name, although he may prefer it that way for now, he thinks...
He doesn't even know who he's looking for, it occurs to him. The realization stops him in his tracks, asking himself "what am I doing" aloud, but he's not so far from the host club when he looks up and sees Kaji from a distance. Well. That seems like... a guy standing around... Yeah? Yeah. He's going with it. His hands are still shoved in his pockets, but he shakes his saunter off to stand tall before he approaches. He gives his random new confidant a single nod in greeting, no smiles, uncomfortable eye contact. But he still looks him straight-on. ]
[Kaji is leaning there, letting the kid work it out himself. He studies Zuko and his body language from the corner of his eye. Smoke trailing above his head as he seems to pay little attention, giving him time to open up and speak.
It is advisable when taking off to meet a stranger to let someone know where you are going. Lucky for Zuko this time, he is meeting with someone with no sinister intentions. The man stubs out his smoke, sliding the butt into his pocket, and offers the younger male a wolfish grin.]
Yo, thanks for coming. Do you like coffee? There's a little place nearby and I just finished my shift. [He thumbs at the building behind him.] Got about an hour before my other job and the shops halfway between here.
Y-Yeah... Sure. That works. I don’t take coffee, but it’s fine, they probably have tea...
[ Zuko offers his own sheepish smile in return, but merely to be polite. That was about the most conscious this kid was gonna get. Doing something reckless in at least a safe and sensible way with a back-up plan and communication... that’s not at all Zuko’s style. He likes to do dumb things the dumb ways. Keeps him on his toes? He’s quick to follow the other as soon as he moves to lead the way. Zuko’s under Kaji’s guide in every way right now. ]
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rediscovering) wrote2019-02-16 02:14 am
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It's just simpler sometimes because feelings give someone a chance to hurt you. And love, the real thing, it can be painful.
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The moons can make you horny, they can't make you feel like you're in love or want something more than physical contact. Sanguis will make you want to claim people but not for more than the sex, trust me, I've done plenty under my moon and the other two don't have the possession trait.
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i don't think i want to date him, i don't want to have sex with him, but i like everything about him, even weird dumb stuff, little things... i think he's really funny, we joke a lot... and i like touching him a lot and like it when he touches me. i want more but i don't know of what and i definitely don't want anything to change. it doesn't make any sense, thats why i thought it might be the moons or the chroma or just a new kind of relationship i've never had, or maybe that's just our unique dynamic, but i don't know why i'm so confused over defining it, and i dont feel comfortable asking my uncle about it, so i'm going crazy trying to figure it out on my own......!!
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I mean, if nothing else it speaks to physical desire if you like when he touches you and want him to touch you more, could be you just want friends with benefits, sexual desire and love are not exclusive, even when it comes to your friends, but better not to act on them unless you feel both. The problem here is, is he just chroma and friendship or do you think he has feelings for you too?
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what's friends with benefits?? like a friend you makeout with and stuff but don't date? isn't that what you said not to do, because it confuses things and hurts and could ruin the friendship....?
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Yup, see, you're learning. It's why you have to figure out how you feel, if you have feelings more than friends with benefits than go for it, if not, just be his friend.
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what if i suggest the benefits but he rejects me?? then it'd be weird for the friendship after that, wouldnt it?? how do i tell if he likes me? like that i mean... my girlfriend at home was very direct, it helped a lot. i think he has less experience than i do.
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[He has a lot to say here and he plays drums, Mafuyu writes the lyrics for a reason.]
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where? i'm free now.
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action;
He'd already shared enough via text, which was a lot easier for him to open up in, he's found; but part of the allure and ease of their insightful conversation had been that it felt somewhat anonymous, unrelated. But not uninvested, clearly; they'd spoken rather impersonally about very personal things and now it was about to get actually personal. But he's shared shit with this guy he's not told his friends or uncle or anyone... He doesn't even know his name, although he may prefer it that way for now, he thinks...
He doesn't even know who he's looking for, it occurs to him. The realization stops him in his tracks, asking himself "what am I doing" aloud, but he's not so far from the host club when he looks up and sees Kaji from a distance. Well. That seems like... a guy standing around... Yeah? Yeah. He's going with it. His hands are still shoved in his pockets, but he shakes his saunter off to stand tall before he approaches. He gives his random new confidant a single nod in greeting, no smiles, uncomfortable eye contact. But he still looks him straight-on. ]
Yo.
action;
It is advisable when taking off to meet a stranger to let someone know where you are going. Lucky for Zuko this time, he is meeting with someone with no sinister intentions. The man stubs out his smoke, sliding the butt into his pocket, and offers the younger male a wolfish grin.]
Yo, thanks for coming. Do you like coffee? There's a little place nearby and I just finished my shift. [He thumbs at the building behind him.] Got about an hour before my other job and the shops halfway between here.
no subject
[ Zuko offers his own sheepish smile in return, but merely to be polite. That was about the most conscious this kid was gonna get. Doing something reckless in at least a safe and sensible way with a back-up plan and communication... that’s not at all Zuko’s style. He likes to do dumb things the dumb ways. Keeps him on his toes? He’s quick to follow the other as soon as he moves to lead the way. Zuko’s under Kaji’s guide in every way right now. ]